An Ode to Southern Women
Our Best of the South issue is out, and we’ve been getting great reviews, including one reader who topped our Southern style with her favorite email “ode” to Southern gals. We thought all y’all would enjoy the read, shugahs, and hope y’all are fixin’ to have a good weekend. If you get timed of football, there’s always the DVD of Steel Magnolias (or your latest issue of At Home to read!).
Southern women know
everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah
Southern
women know their summer weather report: Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern women know
their vacation spots: The
beach
The rivuh
The crick
Southern women know the
movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know
their religions: Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know
their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl’stn S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N’awlins
Addlanna
Southern women know
their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Southern girls know
their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the
3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
More
Suthen-ism’s: Only a
Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie
fit and
a conniption
fit, and
that you don’t “HAVE” them, you
“PITCH” them.
_____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a
mess.” _____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of “yonder.” _____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long”directly” is,
as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
_____
Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some
sugar” is not a request for the white,
granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl
in the middle of the table. _____
All Southerners know exactly when “by
and by” is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept
well.
_____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture
of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of
hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If
the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know
to add a large banana puddin! _____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between “right
near” and “a
right far piece.” They
also know that “just
down the road” can
be 1 mile or 20
_____
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the
difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and
po’ white trash. _____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____
A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be
used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, …
and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to
everybody! _____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will
discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
_____
In the South, y’all is
singular, all
y’all is plural.
_____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits,
and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is
also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not
a breakfast food. _____
When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself
lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
_____
Only true Southerners say “sweet
tea” and”sweet
milk.” Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not
like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you
don’t want buttermilk. _____
And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the
freeway. You just say,”Bless her
heart” … and go your own way.
_____
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your
Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage
gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time
understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless your
hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on
Southernness as a second language! _____
And for those that are not from the South but have lived
here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on
y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the
South, but I got here as fast as I could.”
Southern girls know men
may come and go, but
friends are fahevah !
Now……
Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or
wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant,
bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as
fast as you
could
